Ive never done this before and never cared to get this personal but this is strait from my diary (copied)
lol I know who still keeps them but I'm a writer so it seems automatic to have one. So bare with me on this post it can be choppy, and it might not make sense because these are my raws thoughts so enjoy I guess...
Ive been missing and thinking about an old friend... a lot. I automatically follow up with her life and officially feel like a stalker. This is a post strait from my diary a bit tweaked but still real and genuine.
Anything I ever said to her went right out the window for some odd reason she thinks I want her to be like me. From the couple of years we have been friends I cant believe thats the end result of my voice. From me stroking her ego and trying to let her know how great she is I cant believe she thinks that. All I ever wanted to do was lift her spirits, one because she needs it and two because I was her friend and I wanted to.
So telling her about herself was to enlighten and better her life, her, her self-esteem, and her situation. It was never to harm. I don't know what she got from it but she definitely took it the way I was afraid of (being so mad at me that she stop caring). It just really felt like she lost respect for me and it was pretty obvious to me. So my way of trying to better, move forward, and improve our relationship I laid some things down that I felt was holding us from growing (some of those were my issues with her and telling her about herself). I always held from telling her certain things for many reasons (one of those reasons being her response). She's a gemini , so am I which makes me very familiar with some of her character traits because I hold a lot of them. On top of being sensitive to what people say about me being that I feel so strongly about who I am,what I do, what I say, and how I live. I CANT care what people think about me I'm almost unable to. So even if I do care some what no matter how much I care their thoughts and feelings will never change who I am, bottom line. So why start to care how anyone feels.

When I say anyone I mean strangers, negative forces, haters, bad people, mean role models, people who want to take me down and anyone meaning anyone who is not on my side. With certain people in your life some care about helping you and some dont know how.
What I learned is its very important to be able to decipher when a friend tries to help you and foe tries to help you. I guess sometimes the more difficult task is differentiating friends and foes.
Now if your my real friend and pro rebekah I just might consider what you say, feel, or think because most likely that person respects me and if you respect me I'm all ears about whatever you feel about me. I will be willing to sit through agonizing conversations about my flaws and all. I may bitch, moan, and all the above.
In my lifetime those foes who played as my friends were pro Rebekah but had no respect for me so our relationship crumbled though the years.
But when you respect someone their opinions come from a different source and it isn't fueled by just anything.Their word as a much stronger purpose then just anyone.
So to back up my original intro I love you!
Ive been trying to say the same thing to in so many different ways and your ass never gets it. You always seem to run with a message I never knew was present.
When some things aren't clear other things fallout of place. If someone has a certain amount of respect for mean and is willing to point out my mistakes, and the broccoli in my teeth. Its different,respect should demolish my defense, my attitude, and my buts about what their saying. Their only coming from a place of acknowledgement not negativity. Their not tryna play me!
For example my father, he constantly tells me I cant dress, a day doesnt go by without him saying it (if your an dedicated reader of my blog you know I talk about my dad and our relationship all the time and if you met him even better ). Now if some chick tells me I cant dress with no reasoning and no kind of history in my life in cases like that shes most likely confused (tapping into my sarcasm dont mind me)
So back to my dad (who is the most uplifting person by the way) on calling me out, hes really telling me to keep it clean. Those raggedy dresses in the summer and roll out of bed outfits are not cool.
"I know you can dress hunny but whats with the shoes".
It took me years really get him and not get my panties in a bunch but I really appreciate his criticism no matter how it comes out because sometimes it sounds like hes saying nothing. Sometimes I feel he just likes to hear himself talk (which is true anyway) but looking back on all the compliments he fished out on my worst days forces me to believe hes only for good. Besides being my father he has built some sort of a respect ground my father really respects me, he respects all his daughters he just makes it his business to come at me sometimes its like "alright hop-off" (LOL) but in actuality he only wants to see a better us because there is always room for improvement.
ESPECIALLY parents they strive for improvement in their children like "no ma theres nothing higher then an A plus"
Whoever is willing to help me get to the top gets ALL my respect and praise without respect all else will fail; in relationship you'll get cheated/beat on in friendship you'll get walked over and taken advantage of in work nothing will ever be done without conflict. The lost of respect will have you crumbling to your knees.
With people I hold dear I shamelessly let it be known to them and to anyone who knows me.
If you know me you'll know who I love.
I really wanted to get that out my system its been killing me but thanks for listening...reading.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Labels: diary, friends, love, recent, relationship, thoughts, upset